Generic Medieval RTD

Brew up a potion to dull the pain/get me really f*cking high after all this shit (girl jacking my clothes, flaming dude burning me)

Ignacious: [2]
You attempt to calm down, and instead turn to the barkeep, scream some incomprehensible gibberish in his face, to which he replies, astonished 'W-what?'. You then awkwardly scream 'Y-YOU TOO' and then stare at your bloodsoaked treetrunks awkwardly.

Choculatt: [1]
You try to ignore the fire, but you can't stop screaming. When you finally calm down, you attempt to adapt to the sun, and instead scream and attempt to drink the blood from a passing minotaur. He looks down at you and says 'whatchuwant whiteboy hehe hey guys look at this chump' and then starts to shove you into an alleyway.

Ravenwing: [1]
You try to brew a potion, and instead create a terrifying concoction that somehow forms a terrorist wearing a bomb jacket, and then he explodes in your face, leaving you at 3/10 HP.

Go in an alleyway and buy some ye olde Crocodile, get way fucked up on it

Use PRIMAL INSTINCTS to sense that a delicious breakfast cereal is in danger, and find the quickest way to kick whatever threatens such a beautiful being.

Dazzle the Big hunky minotaur with your [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Ravenheart: [1] You walk into an alleyway and attempt to buy some ye olde Crocodile, but instead buy a ye vicious crocodile. This costs you 50 silvers, and now you have a vicious crocodile to deal with.

Choculatt: [6] + [1] (Illusion magic)
You summon Frankenstein to tell him that Frankenberry has strawberry flavored sweeties, then you tell him that Count Chocula has chocolate flavored sweeties. Then you throw a beachball in his face.

Ignacious: [6] + [1] (Primal Instincts) = [7]
You sense that a breakfast cereal is in danger, and then leap into an alleyway. There, you see a vampire with buckteeth explaining to a confused minotaur that Count Chocula has chocolate flavored sweeties. You detect that the quickest way to dispatch the minotaur is to slash out his Achilles tendons (do minotaurs even have those??) and kick him in the knees.

kick the minotaur right in the boing-loings

Loose the crocodile into the house of that bitch who stole my clothes.

IN THE BOING-LOINGS.

Choculatt: [3]
You attempt to kick the minotaur in the boingloings, but instead slip like something from a Charlie Chaplin movie. He chuckles and says 'You funny guy.'

Ravenheart: [2]
You loose the crocodile into the town hall on accident. Approximately 10 people die, with 23 injured.

Ignacious: [10] jesus christ
You sprint up to the minotaur at sanic speeds and slam your foot right into his BOING-LOINGS, and launch him 5 feet in the air from the blow. As he comes down, his testicals launch from his mouth across the alleyway. He hits the ground and breaks half the bones in his body. The minotaur is dead.

replace the dead minotaurs blood with CHOCOBAT

Climb up onto some guys roof and start yelling obscenities at passerby and pounding on said roof

Why masticate when you can SELF-IMMOLATE!?

Choculatt: [5]
You manage to dump some chocobat down his throat, unfortunately he gargles on it and his eyes roll up into his head.

Ravenheart: [4]
You try to climb onto some guy's roof, but it looks like you're fucking his door so he punches you in the ass.

Ignacious: [2] + [1] (Self Immolation) = [3]
You put the torch on your arm and you kinda singe a bit. Unfortunately, no great blaze.

Groan in ecstasy and grind against his fist, deluded by the horrific events I have witnessed.

fine. then drink the faggots the douch bags minotaurs blood

Paint yourself with the blood of the fallen foe.

Ravenheart: [5]
You grind against his fist a bit and whimper. He runs away like a pussy.

Choculatt: [8]
You slurp the minotaur blood and heal all of your wounds. It vaguely tastes like CHOCOBAT(TM)

Ignacious: [8]
You smear some of the minotaur's blood on you, or what you can get after the odd bucktooth milkmancer slurps up the minotaur's blood. You now have tribal markings.

wear the minotaurs withered corpse

Cut off the minotaur's horns, and make a decorative headdress.

Start debasing myself in public. Submit to the depraved voices echoing in my tormented mind.

Ravenheart:

Random number (1,10) : 8

Choculatt:

Random number (1,10) : 8

Ignacious:

Random number (1,10) : 10

Ravenheart: [8]
You submit to the depraved voices, and start screaming wildly and stripping off your clothes.

Ignacious: [10]
You tear out the minotaur's horns in explosions of gore, and then you tether them onto your head using his muscle sinews. You use bones as drapery around the head-dress, like hair. It gives you a +1 to Terrifying the Shit out of People

Choculatt: [8]
You take what's left after Ignacious is done with the body and drape it over your cloak. It gives you a +1 to piercing protection when being attacked from behind.

create CHOCOBAT (TM) Milk product in mass to sell to the public

Score some coke.

Found a religion.

Choculatt:

Random number (1,10) : 9

Ravenwing:

Random number (1,10) : 7

Ignacious:

Random number (1,10) : 6