Real The Dice

THE GAME IN WHICH ONE BEGINS A FUTILE QUEST TO HAVE A NORMAL LIFE
THE GAME WILL BEGIN AS FOLLOWS:

Each player who wishes to opt in will list off 6 (Six) setting options, which I will then select from in this manner-
Roll 1d6 for each player
If two people get the same number, flip a "coin" (or 1d3, or higher if that ever happens) to select between the two options.
Otherwise choose the highest (ganking Ben's mechanic here)

Then each player will post a description of their player like so:
Name: (name)
Race: (race)
Gender: (if applicable)
Proficiencies: (up to three, providing a +1 to rolls related to such. ie. Fishing - if you say you want to fish, then you get a +1 to the roll. Bonuses do not stack unless noted.)
Deficiencies: (At least as many as you have proficiencies. -1 to related rolls.)
Mediocrities: (Up to two. Average related rolls between 3.5 and whatever you rolled, rounded up. You won't fail teriffically, but you won't succeed very greatly either.)

A final, hidden mechanic lurks in the shadows of gameplay.

I'm getting ahead of myself. Rolls will be performed via Random.org or whichever that is. Join if it pleases you!

1. THe LanD oF INCorrect EPHASis
2. floating Islands
3. North Dakota
4. The Mountain homes of the great swamp harpies
5. Montreal Canada
6. North Dakota

Name: Grumple The Brave
Race: Door to Door Jewish Household appliances Salesman
Gender: Male
Proficiencies: Judaism, Economics, reprisal
Deficiencies: staring, Baptism, Magic tricks.
Mediocrities: Whipping, Pancakes, Bilingualism

1.The Gypsy Circus
2.The Great Boreal Forest of Canada
3.The Swedish Village of Ytterby
4.The Catacombs of Paris
5.The Ukraine
6.The Greater Caucasus

Name: Michael Bay
Race: Sentient Monolith
Gender: N/A
Proficiencies: Telekinesis, Spontaneous Combustion, Animal Husbandry
Deficiencies: Bird-Calling, Archery, Lenscrafting
Mediocrities: Elbow Macaroni, Playing of the Guitarrón chileno

1. The Menacing POST OFFICE Abandoned City
2. The Terrible BANK Rusted factory
3. SPACE THE FINAL FRONTIER Haunted Mansion
4. A Crystal Cave
5. SPACE THE FINAL FRONTIER
6. Alaska.

Name: General Woof Woof
Race: Dog of the Schnauzer Variety
Gender: GENERAL.
Proficiencies: Tracking, Smelling, SECRET EVIL GENIUS
Deficiencies: Can't jump very high, Can't speak English (or any language other than dog), Very short, very weak
Mediocrities: decent hearing, okay eyesight, looks kinda dorky in his general outfit, biting

((Not really.))

Name: Lucas
Race: Mutant Snake Wasp Man Beast
Gender: Male (most likely)
Proficiencies: Impenetrable Scales (unless you gots acid or somethin), Strong, Can Fly
Deficiencies: His appearance scares everything, not very educated, gets cold very easily
Mediocrities: okay social skills, can fend for himself, can take charge if he's forced, somewhat wise-ish. He really isn't all that remarkable.

If PG wishes to join she may feel free to do so later, but I may as well start now:

ROLLED A [5]

5. Montreal Canada - - - - - - - [4]
5. The Ukraine - - - - - - - - - [5] - - - [6]
5. SPACE THE FINAL FRONTIER- - - [5] - - - [2]

OUR HEROES' ADVENTURE WILL START IN [The Ukraine]

STATSHEETS:
Grumple The Brave the Door to Door Jewish Household appliances Salesman [Male]
+1 Judaism, +1 Economics, +1 Reprisal
-1 Staring, -1 Baptism, -1 Magic Tricks
% Whipping, % Pancakes, % Bilingualism

Michael Bay the Sentient Monolith [Genderless]
+1 Telekinesis, +1 Spontaneous Combustion, +1 Animal Husbandry
-1 Bird-Calling, -1 Archery, -1 Lenscrafting
% Elbow Macaroni, % Playing the Guitarrón chileno

Lucas the Mutant Snake Wasp Man Beast [Male]
+1 Defence, +1 Strength, +1 Flying
-1 Attractiveness, -1 Education, -1 Staying Warm
% Being Independent, % Leadership, % Socializing
ROLLING FOR STARTING CONDITIONS

1. Zaporizhia (pop. 0.8M)
2. Donetsk (pop. 1.0M)
3. Odessa (pop. 1.0M)
4. Dnipropetrovsk (pop. 1.1M)
5. Kharkiv (pop. 1.5M)
6. Kiev (pop. ~2.6M)

[6] - OUR JOURNEY BEGINS IN THE CAPITOL CITY OF KIEV.


GRUMPLE: [1] YOU HAVE 16 GRIVNAS AND 20 KOPEKS
MICHAEL: [4] YOU HAVE 4,050 GRIVNAS
LUCAS: [1] YOU HAVE 16 GRIVNAS AND 20 KOPEKS

WELCOME TO THE CAPITOL CITY OF KIEV. IT IS CULTURAL AND INDUSTRIAL CENTER OF EASTERN EUROPE.

GLORY TO THE UKRAINE.

20

I roll to dramatically rise from the ground in the middle of Maidan Nezalezhnosti.

I roll to lazily take a nap in an alleyway full of hobos.

I roll to peddle my Margaritaville Margarita Mixers, to the mass public

ROUND 1 - TURN 1

Michael Bay wrote:I roll to dramatically rise from the ground in the middle of Maidan Nezalezhnosti.

[4] - You rise rather surprisingly from the ground in Independence Square. Many of the Ukrainian organics bustling about are rather surprised at this development.

Lucas wrote:I roll to lazily take a nap in an alleyway full of hobos.

[1 - 1 Staying Warm] - You find the alleyway to be extremely chilly and drastically unsuited to your presumably partially cold-blooded physique. Ukrainian winters are cold and harsh. But glorious.
You ponder other lodgings as you brush frost off of your skin/scales.

Grumple the Brave wrote:I roll to peddle my Margaritaville Margarita Mixers, to the mass public

[6 + 1 Economics] - You peddle and peddle and sell thousands of your Margaritaville Margarita Mixers despite not speaking a word of Ukrainian. You gain 50,000 Grivnas. You are certain your Jewish extended family would be proud of you, and perhaps a tiny bit afraid.

Spoiler:

18

I roll to look for jewish apparel shops

I roll to use telekinesis to tumble over towards the Kiev Consevatory on the other side of the Maidan.

I roll to find a blanket that is suitable for napping in the harsh winters.

ROUND 1 - TURN 2

Michael Bay wrote:I roll to use telekinesis to tumble over towards the Kiev Consevatory on the other side of the Maidan.

[5 + 1 Telekinesis] You tumble over (whoops) the Kiev Conservatory on the other side of the Maidan. Those present find that considerably more than surprising and begin alternately fleeing in terror or snapping pictures. A few people are too drunk to care.

Lucas wrote:I roll to find a blanket that is suitable for napping in the harsh winters.

[1 % Being Independent = 3] You manage to find a ratty sort of blanket, but it's cold and damp and smells kind of funny. You're almost considering breaking & entering to get at least few moments with a heater before the cops show up and haul you away to a nice warm jail cell.
You shake your head abruptly to clear away these fantasies.

Grumple the Brave wrote:I roll to look for jewish apparel shops

[6 + 1 Judaism] You find a very nice and traditional Jewish clothing store, for the discerning Jew. It is filled with designer yamakas and similarly tasteful and/or over-the-top Jewish accessories, like a massive silicone nose emblazoned with a star of David, or a pair of shoes with functional menorahs attached.

16

I roll to crush a nearby building that happens to be a jewish apparel shop. I dont know that it is, I'm a rock.

I roll to go and speak with the crazy homeless people, hoping for some kindness and something warm.

roll to use the power of the stock market to insure the store from damages

ROUND 1 - TURN 3

Michael Bay wrote:I roll to crush a nearby building that happens to be a jewish apparel shop. I dont know that it is, I'm a rock.

[5 + 1 Telekinesis] You crush a nearby building which happens to be a Jewish apparel shop. Along with the rest of the block, and the one after. You fail to stop rolling.

Lucas wrote:I roll to go and speak with the crazy homeless people, hoping for some kindness and something warm.

[2 % Socializing = 3] One of them says you are chosen to survive their version of the apocalypse, and offers you a bottle of vodka.

Grumple the Brave wrote:roll to use the power of the stock market to insure the store from damages

[1 + 1 Economics] The shop is not insured because you don't own it, unfortunately, but you do own all the Jewish relics you were wearing now that their owner has been tragically crushed by a sentient block of stone.
You smile a Jewish smile and brandish a coffee mug that looks suspiciously like a dreidel.

15

chase the dragon rolling obelisk

I roll to continue on my Rock of Ages-like path of destruction through downtown Kiev.

(( Looks like Zombie isn't going to be back any time soon..? Go ahead and join if you like, I'm open to more players.
Besides, the Ukraine's past the 25% mark. ))

ROUND 1 - TURN 4

Michael Bay wrote:I roll to continue on my Rock of Ages-like path of destruction through downtown Kiev.

[1][6][5] You suddenly lose all momentum and come to a complete stop. A large boulder drops out of the sky and crushes a nearby building.

Grumple the Brave wrote:chase the dragon rolling obelisk

[4] You chase it right up until it suddenly stops moving. The building next to the one you've stopped under is suddenly crushed by a falling rock.

14

I roll to hit on the fine lady that fell out of the sky.

Roll to beat the fuck out of the counter in the bottom of each of the DM's Posts

ROUND 1 - TURN 5

Michael Bay wrote:I roll to hit on the fine lady that fell out of the sky.

[6][5] You telepathize some sexy thoughts at the rock. You feel like she probably likes you back.

Grumple the Brave wrote:Roll to beat the fuck out of the counter in the bottom of each of the DM's Posts

[2] You leap into the air and attempt to beat the fuck out of the counter at the bottom of my posts. Unfortunately,