Simplified Generic RPG

So, like, look at this shit.
Theres evil everywhere, its like, seeping up from the floorboards.
Goblin, Dragon, Succubi, Wraiths formed from the souls of the anguished, you name it, are just popping up like daisies all over the place.
Not to mention, due to this recent boom in evil, there are bandits and brigands all over the place just messing shit up, because thats what bandits do I guess.
Nobody really knows where this evil is coming from, but the court wizard's best guess it from the giant evil looking volcano named "Jonathan" in a far away land.
Anywho, the good king has decided to assemble a task force of skilled fighters to smite this evil or some shit, and you are one of the members of that evil smiting task force, coaxed into this mission by the promise of a shiny medal and applause.
As you and your fellow adventurers sit down at a nice table in the kings court, the squire hands out forms that look like this:

Name:
Gender:
Physical Description: (dont include what kind of clothing they wear, because I'll be rolling for that later)
Profession:(See the list below)
Skills:(Non-Combat Bonuses that you'd like, plus 1 to rolls of that kind. Up to 3.)

Also, keep in mind that you are human.
Here are the professions that you can choose from, and their bonuses. Choose a class (bonus 1) and a subclass (bonus 2):

Warrior (Physical Damage +1):
-Paladin (Light Magic +1): You have been raised as a part of this holy order since you were a child, and now you serve as a member of a divine army. You're also sorta fanatical, but who cares.

-Barbarian (Dual Wielding +1): Growing up in a tribe of savages, you learned to survive and fight. Your methods may be crude, and your combat may be
unorthodox, but your batshit insane skills as a fighter make you a valuable warrior.

-Monk (Unarmed Combat +1): As a warrior monk of the north, your entire life has been training and meditation. Your strength and speed is unrivaled, and your fists can break steel. You can also do a mean backflip. I mean, seriously, backflips are awesome.

Mage (Magic Damage +1):
-Sorcerer (Arcane Magic +1): Gifted from birth, you have lived your life in a tower, studying the arcane arts with others of your kind, copying ancient texts so the knowledge is not lost. And growing a really long beard and wearing a hat, if you're a dude.

-Primal Mage (Elemental Magic +1): Belonging to a secluded tribe in the wilderness, and have learned the secretive art of primal magic. The skies, tides, and trees bend to your will. You dont use a staff, staffs are for sissies. You can call down thunder, shield yourself in stone, or even boil water without a stove!

-Court Mage (Illusion +1): Instead of educating yourself in the magics of destruction or offense, you instead used your gift to pay off some steep debts via indentured servitude to the sovereign. Luckily, though, this has taught you to use sly, illusion magics and tricks to confuse your enemies.

Rogue: (Stealth +1)
-Archer (Archery +1): You are a former thief that joined the king's army when your village was destroyed by the evil guys. Your experience with a bow far surpassed those around you, and you were promoted to the king's royal guard, of which the dental benefits were fantastic.

-Assassin (Knife Wielding +1): Many kings, dukes, barons, viscounts, and various other members of the vassalage have fallen to your blade, because someone always wants somebody else dead. But since the evil forces have been stealing your job by killing the royalty in battle, you decided that joining this task force was probably a good source of income.

-Alchemist (Brewing +1): You have always had the skills needed for a good alchemist, creativity, and a lot of flasks. You brew everything, from Potions to Poisons to Pilsner Ale. Just dont forget to label your bottles, or you might end up having a crab claw growing out of your big toe.

Have fun.

ahaha dick ass thief time

Name: Dovreaux
Gender: Male
Physical Description: Tall, nearing 6'4". Fairly lean with a moderate amount of muscle. Has a smooth way he walks around the room, seemingly flowing from one place to another. Very short black hair (maybe 2-3 inches of it) and a scar on his left cheek. Dark blue eyes.
Profession: Rogue + Assassin
Skills: Speech (smooth talkin'), dickassery, elbow knifaroni, shadiness.

((zach's younger brother, and no probably not but i've heard of you, got permission of curran to join his rtd so i did so))

(Lyla could you please reduce your character description to a physical description, because I'll be rolling for gear.)

OOC:

Name: Kris Missilelauncher
Gender: Male
Physical Description: 5'7" dude with short black hair and one and a half eyebrows. His arms are well-muscled from climbing sh- uh, stuff. He has a nervous air about him. His eyes are bright red-purple from all the colorful magic potion smog he carelessly inhales on a daily basis.

Profession: Alchemist
Skills: Explosives, Escaping, Stringed Instruments

Spoiler:

Totes Real Skills:

(Lyla, I roll for the packs and clothes and weapons)

QuantumEntanglement wrote:(Lyla, I roll for the packs and clothes and weapons)

(Then ignore it or tell her on Skype because she's apparently not checking here)

Ridiculous Amounts of OOC:

(Are we starting? Or do I have to get Jillian or something :B )

(I am definitely not comfortable with an all thief party )

(Not saying anything here, but Bread did make his character first. And rogue is a class not a subclass. I think you mean archer. So maybe you could change?)

Here are the professions that you can choose from, and their bonuses. Choose a class (bonus 1) and a subclass (bonus 2)

(He is both a Rogue and an Assassin. You are both a rogue and an assassin. Zach is a rogue and an alchemist. If we had an archer, they would be a rogue and an archer. Understand? Assassin is a subclass of rogue.)

(If you want to be assassin/warrior, Monk would be good for you. They are the most rogue like warrior class.
In terms of format, this is basically it
Class
-Subclass
-Subclass
-Subclass)

(well now that that's over, can we get underway?)

(Lyla, Monk is Warrior+Monk, not Assassin+Warrior, thats not even a thing)
Aight, so, equipment rolls!

-Dovreaux:
Equipment: (2) You are clothed in a Tattered cloak, with old cloth pants and a shirt underneath. Nothing special, but you do have a sheath for you knife
Weapon: (4) A trusty knife, sharpened, and made of reliable steel. +1 stabbing
Money: (6) You are well off from your past, high payed jobs. 6 crowns, 50 silvers, and 5 coppers

-Kris:
Equipment: (2) Clothed in and old cloth shirt and pants, broken goggles, and a tattered apron.
Weapon: (5) You carry on your back a portable alchemy kit, full of beakers and chemicals. You carry around a mechanical slingshot as well. (+1 mixing +1 ranged attack)
Money: (3) Potion sales have dropped recently, leaving you with only a below average profit. 90 silvers and 45 coppers.

-Allya:
Equipment: (5) You wear a traditional monks robe, with added armor, such as light steel pauldrons and a armored belt. You wear tight leggings but they are aerodynamic and allow for fast movement. +1 armor, +1 attack
Weapon: (4) You wear durable steel gauntlets that cover your forearms and hands sufficiently. (+1 unarmed)
Money: (1) Your hermitage in the mountains left you penniless.

Okay, now to the action. You leave on your journey out of the kings court. You decide to pass through town to buy supplies before heading on your voyage. WHAT DOTH THOU DO?

Investigate clothing stores.

OOC:

Pay some chump to replace or fix my goggles. Safety first*, kids!
*(Particularly when dealing with volatile thermic compounds and unorthodox left-hand thaumaturgic salts)

Price check on mandolins