Magic and Those Who Use It 1.0

>not even a tarot card
>not even a tarot card
>not even a tarot card
>implying there is only one set of tarot cards

pull out the TOWER card and [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.] the Templar titan and make him [You must be registered and logged in to see this link.]

Valia: 11/10 (10+1) You quite eloquently to back the fuck up and when he doesnt, you promptly pull his feet out from under him with your chain whip, for [20-4=16] damage, then unleash the dark energy in your arm, grab him head, and destroy his body for [80+4-2=82] damage. Exploding most of him. Then you eat his soul. You get a little more demonic as a result.

Havel: 5/10 You find an old dude. He has a beard. He may or may not be a magician.

Gypsy: 9/10 (7+1+1) The TOWER is drawn, but the Paladin Titan is mostly exploded. HOWEVER, the two Priests accompanying him are readying wards. With the appearance of the TOWER, you reverse their magic to backfire, increasing the power of magic. The tower then appears again, MAKING THEM REALIZE THE TRUTH. They now follow the will of the cards.

walk up to the paladins and strip them of their armor

Continue on MY QUEST for an artificer and mage bounties. Ignore the old man.

Create a demonic construct bound to my will, through the use of one/more of the souls I have captured.

Gypsy: (2/10) You accidentally touch one of the Priest's codpieces as you try to remove their fancy-scmancy oui-oui baguette armor pieces, breaking the spell and causing the +1 Homoerotic Discomfort debuff.

Havel: (4/10) You continue down the road a few steps, but then the old dude turns out to be a wizard and stuns you, lowering any roll you do by 2 next turn.

Valia: 8/10 (7+1) You use your dark powers to summon a powerful demon to abide by your command. The succubus "Therieth" rises from the ground, assuming the form of a blackwood stave with a red cabachon crystal set in the head. She can assume her demonic form if asked to, and can commune telepathically. Use of the staff gives you +1 to Telekinetic Magic, and +2 to Dark Magic damage. Hoorah!

Continue on MY QUEST for an artificer and mage bounties. Ignore the old man.

ooc:

Pick up whatever spoils of war I can.
And then pawn whatever I can't use to buy real estate.

ROLLS YOU SHIT:

Valia:

Random number (1,10) : 8

Havel:

Random number (1,10) : 9

Gypsy:

Random number (1,10) : 7

Gypsy: (10/10) [7+1+1+1] You introduce the world to a new advent of dong fondling, handling their junk-zones like a seasoned professional. Such passionate schlong schtroking has never been witnessed before in this world. Maidens blush, angels cry, devils blink, and you discover a long hidden talent. You now have a +1 to Slutty rolls. You then draw from your deck, and favorably, the HANGED MAN appears. You invoke its power, channeled through your new HOMOEROTIC DISPOSITION, the card grants you with a PENILE ENLARGEMENT. Congratulations, you gain the +2 Penis Size debuff (We can only hope it never has to be used) and the -1 MOVEMENT WHILE AROUSED debuff, (We'll probably be seeing this one alot) you whore.

HAVEL: (7/10) [9-2] You find a mage bounty floating in the wind. It describes the old man who just cast a magic spell on you, dipshit.

VALIA: (8/10) A good amount of armor survived the blast, though the runes are worn off and would need to be rekindled to have the same effect. His chain mail was the only thing destroyed with him. You store the TITAN'S UNSEALED ARMOR SET and UNSEALED OCULAR HAMMER for later potential use/pawning.

After succeeding in finding an artificer, I get my gear enchanted with anti-magic runes and then I go back and punch the motherfucking old man in the jaw with my BATTLEMAGIC FIST OF KILL
I CAST FIST

Do a Victorian victoryful victorious Harlem Shake.

Whittle a cube out of paladin knucklebone.

Havel:

Random number (1,10) : 8

Gypsy:

Random number (1,10) : 9

Random number (1,10) : 2

Valia:

Random number (1,10) : 4

Wait Havel rolls 3 times:

Random number (1,10) : 2

Random number (1,10) : 5

Ugh and Valia rolls twice:

Random number (1,10) : 1

Havel: (8/10) You find a skilled artificer in a tower not too far from the city, but (2/10) he's not in the shop and the door is magically locked. You return to the hermit, and (6/10) [5+1] punch him in the chest, causing him to fly into a tree. Your arm staggers from the impact, and you shake your hand from the force of the punch, but no damage is dealt to you.

Gypsy: *sigh* Here we go. (11/10) [9+2] The actions you perform on the subservient Priest can not be effectively described as rape, because he enjoys them too much. You rip his sacred vestments off, exposing his bare, white flesh. You decide that this is an opportune time to lick the side of his face. You rip off your shitty rags and promptly enter him with your jumbo-sized... do I have to type this? Yes? Damnit. Your "jumbo-sized meat stick combo". He moans softly. You invoke (4/10) [2+1+1] the... Four of Wands. In response to the appearance of the Four of Wands, the other priest cums.

Valia: (4/10) You halfheartedly do the Charleston. Then, you pick up a paladin bone and (1/10) are cursed with a -2 to all evil rolls, permanently unless removed by a Archpriest of the Watcher Order.

Smile politely while carving the bone into a six sided cube.

invoke STRENGTH and sucker-punch the priest in the throat

Go over and decapitate the man with the bladed end of my staff. Afterwards, check his body for any valuable belongings.

VALIA:

Random number (1,10) : 7

Random number (1,10) : 10

GYPSY:

Random number (1,10) : 9

Random number (1,10) : 5

HAVEL:

Random number (1,10) : 2

Random number (1,10) : 8

VALIA: (7/10) You smile in what appears to be a somewhat genuine gesture of moral neutrality, and (10/10) carve a nigh-perfect cube out of Paladin bone. Truly exquisite, you find that you have a HIDDEN TALENT for BONE CARVING. (+1 to bone carving rolls)

GYPSY: (11/10) [9+1+1] You draw, and THE STRENGTH appears, the Priest you're savagely boning whimpers a bit as your muscle mass increases, and the stars fill you with newfound FORTITUDE and VIGOR. (Permanent +1 to physical rolls) You then decide that this vow-shattering sexual experience is not yet rough enough for the priest and (6/10) [5+1] Whack him in the throat, causing him to wheeze and cough. You chuckle and nod knowingly, then get back to fucking.

HAVEL: (2/10) Your blade is DULL and needs to be SHARPENED in order to do anything like decapitating old dudes. But (8/10) luckily he is unconscious and has several items of interest. A BOOK OF HEXES (cryptic), a PENTACLE TALISMAN, and a BAG OF FLASH POWDER good for 3 uses.

Rip off my rags (ALL OF THEM) and use them as fist wrappings. it is time to embrace the fist wizard.

Crack open his skull with my mace and then sharpen my blade on his brainpan. Also, take his body off to the person whom I got the bounty from. Then go in search of the artificer.

Carve a ten-sided plumbob-thing from paladin knuckles.

Gypsy:

Random number (1,10) : 3

Havel:

Random number (1,10) : 1

Valia:

Random number (1,10) : 6